


Before you love her

by ABookishSortOfLover (qwerty28274)



Series: Heartbroken Thoughts of a Tormented Soul (or Musings Have to Have a Place to Rest) [2]
Category: Original Rant
Genre: And boring, But I need to post it, Gen, It probably doesn't make sense, It's Dumb, This is just a rant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 18:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8906323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qwerty28274/pseuds/ABookishSortOfLover
Summary: Thank you so much for reading!! If you liked it, please fuel my zombie writer brain with kudos and comments!If you wanna talk about fandom things (or anything, really) come give me a nudge on my Tumblr! It's thatwritxrgirl





	

Before you love her, you need to know her. You need to know why she does the things she does. You need to know why she cherishes the things she does.

You need to know her. Before you love her, you need to know the little girl trapped inside. The small child that grew up too fast. You need to know the seven year old that decided she liked things better before her younger siblings were born. The little girl who grew up demanding she was the oldest because the others were adopted. The little girl whose daddy read her The Hobbit before second grade. Who was told she was smart. Who was told she had to be the responsible older sibling. The little girl whose friends made fat jokes about her. The ten year old that wanted to be a writer. The ten year old that wrote a hundred page story and gave herself a boyfriend. The ten year old whose made up relationship had problems.

Before you love her, you need to know the little girl who had invisible friends. The girl who had a friend that was supposed to be her, but thin and pretty. The girl who pretended to date her invisible friends, creating younger boyfriends for herself as she realised that she wouldn't date someone that old. Before you love her, you need to know she still keeps those invisible friends around. You need to know the ten year old that discovered smut. You need to know the little girl that couldn't write a happy ending. Before you love her, you need to know the thirteen year old that had depression. You need to know the thirteen year old that you thought you loved is gone. You need to know that thirteen year old, because she was scared. That thirteen year old pushed you away, because she wasn't ready for love. That thirteen year old was scared. That thirteen year old was in love with the idea of love. That thirteen year old was infatuated. She isn't that thirteen year old.

You need to know that thirteen year old because that thirteen year old thought she was in love with you. But that thirteen year old was afraid to kiss you. That thirteen year old wasn't ready. That thirteen year old quickly learned to hate herself. That girl listened to everyone else. She listened and she listened and she listened. That girl didn't know how to speak for herself. That girl was broken inside, and no one knew. That girl grew up more that year than anyone knew.

That girl is now her. She's still scared. She's still nervous, and worried, but this time it's different. This girl is terrified to lose you. This girl hates people. She hates herself more. This girl sees herself as fat. She knows she's annoying, obnoxious, bothersome. This girl is the girl who is used to being pushed away when she goes for a hug. This girl is used to being cold and distant to protect herself. This girl is the girl who was told no one asked if she was okay anymore because everyone knew she wasn't. This girl had a friend once that she was close to. Then the friend met a boy. She got pushed to the side. She vowed not to care anymore. This girl cares so much.

Before you love her, you have to know why she's scared. She is scared because she hates herself. She is scared because so many people have pushed her away. She is scared because she loves you. She is scared to lose you like she lost that friend. She is scared to make you mad at her, because when other people get mad they hit her. She is scared she will make you hate her too. She is scared because she wants to kiss you. She is scared because she has never wanted to kiss someone before. She is scared because she is worried you'll turn out to be like her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! If you liked it, please fuel my zombie writer brain with kudos and comments!
> 
> If you wanna talk about fandom things (or anything, really) come give me a nudge on my Tumblr! It's thatwritxrgirl


End file.
